This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
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