lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
