sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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