he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
