It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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