I think I won the penis lottery.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
