I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
