What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize