if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
