i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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