I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
