um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
