She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
