you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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