i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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