I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
