And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
