if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
