Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
