your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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