Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
