Dude my mom stole all your condoms
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
