Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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