Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
