It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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