Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
