One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
