he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
