I am in a vortex of obligation.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
