I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
