You're so nebulous sometimes
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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