Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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