i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
