Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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