I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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