Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
