I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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