grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize