Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Randomize
