I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
