oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I believe in your delicious
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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