I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
honey bunches of taint.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
