It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
