He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
