evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
