I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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