My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
