Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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