I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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