Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
