I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
