Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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