About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
