What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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