So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
