just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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