He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
