well I can't set my house on fire every night
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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