I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
