I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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