I am in a vortex of obligation.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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