Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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