My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
