In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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