When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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