mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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